(June 29) - A Swedish couple's decision to keep their toddler's gender a secret is stirring debate, especially now that the parents are expecting a second child.
"Pop" is 2 ½ years old, but so far only those who change the child's diapers know whether the youngster is a boy or a girl, TheLocal.se, an English-language site for Swedish news, said last week.
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Back in March, the parents gave an interview to the Svenska Dagbladet newspaper, saying they decided not to reveal their child's sex because they believe gender is a social construction.
"We want Pop to grow up more freely and avoid being forced into a specific gender mold from the outset," said the child’s mother, "Nora." (The paper used fake names for the entire family to protect their privacy.)
"It's cruel to bring a child into the world with a blue or pink stamp on their forehead," the mother said.
The parents, both 24 years old, said they never use personal pronouns when referring to the child. They just say "Pop."
The tot wears everything from dresses to pants, and Pop is usually the one who decides what to wear on any given morning. Pop's hairstyle is also changed on a regular basis, so it doesn’t provide any clues.
Swedish gender equality expert Kristina Henkel told The Local that the experiment could make Pop a stronger person, since he or she won’t be subject to gender stereotypes.
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Kids in the News
Saved by Music: Sophie Frost, a 14-year-old English girl, was spared the worst part of a lightning strike when the electricity followed her iPod headphones to the ground away from her key organs, the Daily Mail reported June 19.
News International / ZUMA Press
News International / ZUMA Press
"Girls are told they are cute in their dresses, and boys are told they are cool with their car toys. But if you give them no gender they will be seen more as a human or not a stereotype as a boy or girl," said Henkel.
But Toronto psychologist Susan Pinker, author of the book '‘The Sexual Paradox,' said keeping a child's sex a secret is a really bad idea.
"Ignoring children's natures simply doesn't work," she said. "Child-rearing should not be about providing an opportunity to prove an ideological point, but about responding to each child's needs as an individual."
Pinker said the truth is bound to come out when Pop starts school. But Pop's parents say they will only reveal the child’s sex when Pop decides it is time.
"The kid is too young to decide anything on its own. Someone please rescue the kid from its crazy parents," wrote one poster on The Local's comment boards.
But others thought the parents were doing the right thing.
"They're actually thinking about how they're raising their child rather than just going along with what society expects, which, in my opinion, is much better than the majority of people who raise their kids to fit their own vision of what they think their kids should be," another poster wrote.
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